It is so important to view our community of peers, colleagues and patients as individuals.  We are all human beings sharing the same world but holding very different experiences. Beyond the updates of everyday life, everyone has a story to tell. We hear from our friends, our peers, and our colleagues everyday, but it takes practice to aside differences, judgements and pre-conceived notions we may have and it’s often difficult to share without the fear of being judged.

After several conversations, I’m sharing of few unique stories, highlighting different reflections. By sharing our stories, we experience first-hand the strength and courage it takes to be vulnerable. Let’s celebrate unique stories and engage in a dialogue that recognizes imperfection, and encourages diversity.

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“I spoke to a retired physician; for her “success” was getting up in the morning and baking muffins every day. Everybody has their own definition of success and it’s always changing. I don’t know if I’ve figured mine out yet. I had to redefine what success meant to me in terms of leading a balanced healthy life, and being happy rather than having my definition of success based on my academics. My previous idea of success helped me get to where I am, but I think my new idea of success will get me to where I want to be. “ EM, QMed 2019

“Me going to med school wasn’t all joy for my parents. Don’t get me wrong, my mum screamed like a little girl when she found out I got in. But they wanted me to be home, and this is me being gone. She loves me so much it hurts her. And it fills me with a lot of guilt, because she’s sick; I want to be taking care of her, but instead I’m far away learning how to take care of other people. I mean its all okay, but yeah. I’m very all or nothing, this was an all.” – QMed 2018

“Piano is my first true love. It is a way that I can express myself and bring the music to life in a way that I feel like it should be showcased. When I play Chopin, the music speaks to my soul, and with him, it only gets better with age. Whereas, when I play a prelude by Bach, I know I have to completely focused in order to appreciate the intricacies and perpetual motion of his pieces. I started playing piano when I was five years old and was able to work towards working at a diploma level. Through undergrad, I unfortunately wasn’t able to play as much as I was use to, but I still find solace in being able to sit in a room all by myself, and do something I love and am good at. It is the perfect way to recharge.” LS, QMed 2020

“Over the years, as I made my academic pursuits a priority, my hobbies of camping, painting, and music were put on hold. But now, I haven’t gone camping since high school, my comfort level with a paintbrush has diminished, and I am musically challenged. I think it was necessary for me to feel what it was like to have all of my eggs in one basket. Now, I realize the silliness of it and I feel as though I am trying to make up for lost time.” – SW, QMed 2019

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Success. Guilt. Love. Priorities.  Everyone has a story to tell. By focusing on the individuality, the diversity and the various stories of the people in our surroundings, we quickly realize that we are not alone.

It was day five of my first surgical rotation in clerkship. A Friday in November – another day on the wards and in the OR. Waking up at 5am and getting home after 5pm; arriving to and leaving from the hospitalin darkness. I adjusted to my new schedule well. I was going to bed early, meal prepping and coming to the hospital each morning with a positive attitude. I had a gym membership and was going regularly. It seemed as though my self-care was optimal. I thought that I had finally figured it out – the way to prepare myself physically and mentally for the responsibilities of clerkship.

This Friday, however, I had a slight change in my schedule. I was invited by a couple friends to eat my meal-prepped lunch in the hospital cafeteria. As soon as I walked into the cafeteria, my mood improved significantly. At first I wondered, why was this the case?  Things were going well and I felt great. What drastic of a change could have improved my mood to such a degree? Then I realized, it was the first time that I’d seen the sun all week!

It’s that time of year where the days are getting shorter, and sunlight is scarce. Making time to see the sun significantly improved my mood and made me feel energized for my last day of the week.

It is well known that sunlight is important for vitamin D production, ultimately lowering your risk for breast and prostate cancer as well as promoting bone strength. More recently, preliminary research has linked sunlight exposure to improved mood and a reduction in depressive symptoms.

Therefore – I challenge all those reading this post to make sure they make time to take a look outside at least twice a week; either through a window or by exiting the hospital or clinic for a few minutes on a break. It is a small change that can give you the extra boost you need to get through a long day or week!

While writing blogs about wellness on a superficial level (travel, reading, meditation,
exercise, and nutrition) is not something I’m particularly good at, I do have a knack for
unpacking deep insecurities and life lessons. Life is complicated to navigate, and too often do we try to push away from our problems. Facing them head on is terrifying.
This isn’t to say that travel, reading, meditation, and nutrition are by any means poor uses of our time. They take care of our body and minds. When you are in a good place – liking yourself, liking your path, and planning your time effectively to take breaks from rewarding work – they are no less than absolutely wonderful.

Unfortunately, the world has twists and turns. And, all of us have deep insecurities and
questions that we are afraid to ask ourselves that manifest in challenging ways. My
weekend involved a family emergency instead of going to the wellness retreat. It’s odd, but it was exactly what I needed to be well. For me, going to the retreat would have been
treating a symptom instead of my disease or running away.

My weekend instead opened my eyes to two concepts effective altruism and free will.
Effective altruism is my pretentious way of saying – how do we actually do right in the
world? What does it look like to actually help someone? This is something I ask myself all
the time. I figured out this weekend that it was because I didn’t feel like I had worth unless I was helping. If I couldn’t help other people, I was no good. I don’t think this outlook is uncommon in the physician community. We work so hard to learn so much to help with the hope that makes us worth something.

But, self worth is interesting too. It isn’t something that anyone can give you or take away. People can hurt you with the words they say, but it is only when you let yourself take hurtful words to heart and ignore the compliments that you spiral into the vortex of
worthlessness. A state of mind that is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The narrative goes “I am
worthless, I can’t do anything, I won’t try because I’ll fail, I’m not doing anything, See? I am worthless” etc.

As a self identified helper, sometimes I pull myself out of this with the thought of other
people – they are worthwhile and I can help them. Then, I will be worth something. But,
this isn’t true.

1. You are and I am worth it. I don’t know what “it” is exactly, but we are worth it. We
   matter and so do our voices, thoughts, and the potential we all have to love.
2. The only person who can give you self worth is you. It doesn’t matter how badly I want to carry your pain for you. Or how many times I compliment you. You have to believe it. You have to carry and conquer your own pain and insecurities. You can and should ask for help. And other can offer it and ask you the right questions, but *you* have to choose to accept that help and help yourself. This might be terrifying. How can any of us do something we’ve never done, get out of that hole, or deal with the new trauma that we are sure is too much this time? And I think the answer is to be brave, to persevere, and to know that if you can learn to conquer your own adversities that you open yourself to entirely new realms of self worth, confidence, love, and wisdom. And, maybe even a deep, unshakeable happiness that no one can take away – the things that, in my opinion, make life worth living. And when you think how can I be the one to do it? How can I be sure that I’m enough? That trying won’t make it worse? The answer is because you are human. Therefore, you are resilient, strong, and with generations of ancestors before you who learned these lessons in their lives. And, they are all with us – their memories, triumphs, and failures – always. Moreover, these are the lessons that everyone around you wants to learn too. As high school musical made so clear “We’re All in This Together”. It won’t be easy. It’s the hard thing, but that’s why it’s the *right* thing.
   It’s easier to avoid it – turn to some kind of drug, screen, or other person to make it better
   for you. They might dull the pain for a while, but they aren’t your solution. You are.
3. The only way you can help someone is if they want help. In the same way you can’t force anyone to take their pills, you can’t force anyone to talk about their feelings, conquer an addiction, find their way out of depression, or face their insecurities. You can’t yell the solution at them either because the most meaningful solutions are the ones we find for ourselves. If we all took to heart the lessons from history and the stories we hear, there wouldn’t be anything left to learn. Maybe the world would be perfect by now. But we have our own journeys, our own lessons, our own perspectives, and our own truths. And most importantly we have our own choices – our free will. When you feel stuck, you can always choose to get out, to get off that path and forge a new one. You are not trapped. And you are not alone. And then on the other hand when you’re trying to help someone else, make sure they want your help and that it is to achieve their goal. A wise person told me “I would never take away someone’s struggle”. And it’s true. Conquering our adversities is what makes us strong and good. Taking that away from someone – their free will, autonomy, and responsibility – might be the worst thing you could do, even if it comes from a place of love and kindness. So the hard thing, but the right thing is to let them learn for themselves. Be there. Ask questions. Offer advice when asked. Don’t carry their pain. Don’t solve their problem. Don’t take away their struggle.

Just some thoughts to share on a difficult day. Good luck making the world better. Still
trying to figure out what that looks like.